Shrek's Life
by LostxAndxFading
Summary: Shrek, Princess Fiona, Donkey and Puss in Boots try to live life at the swamp...tough time living there when you come home and find out that the three little pigs and the big bad wolf have trashed their house along with the gingerbread man and Pinnocchio!
1. The Drive Home

A/N: Hey. This is my Shrek story. I think Shrek is sweet, but actually kind of smelly. Oh well, he's awesome all the same! If you have the time, I would really appreciate a review or two! I would like to note that this story starts just after Shrek and Princess Fiona got her father's blessings and they're on their way home.

Shrek, Princess Fiona, Donkey and Puss in Boots' Life

Chapter 1

'Are we there yet?' cried Donkey for the millionth time.

'No! We only left one minutes ago!' exclaimed Shrek.

Donkey burst out laughing.

'What is so funny, meenio?' asked Puss in Boots as he looked up from where he had been polishing his boots.

'Shrek, you – you said that – that we left only – only a minute ago! You're - you're killing me!' snorted Donkey before he collapsed in another fit of giggles.

'Are we that lucky?' asked Shrek in surprise.

Donkey stopped laughing. 'Shrek. You are so mean. Why do I let you hang out with me all the time? Hmm?' demanded Donkey.

'I don't know, Donkey. You tell me,' said Shrek calmly.

'I don't know either. As a matter of fact, I'm not letting you hang out with me. Shrek get out. Now. Get out, Shrek!' yelled Donkey.

'Donkey,' growled Shrek slowly. 'It seems to me that you are always the one to not leave me alone.'

'Is that so? Well mister big, green and...and big guy, I think you and I need to have a little talk!' exclaimed Donkey. He was talking so fast it was hard to understand him.

'Donkey. You've only wasted five minutes. Try talking a little slower,' advised Princess Fiona.

'I protest!' cried Puss in Boots as he slammed his boot on the leather seat. 'Why can't Donkey just shut up?'

'No!' exclaimed Donkey. 'I like to talk.'

'We can see that. Now be quiet,' ordered Shrek.

'Fine, but you're still not allowed to hang out with me any more,' smiled Donkey.

'Ok. Just shut your mouth, please!' growled Shrek.

All was silent, until, 'Are we there yet?'

A/N: This may sound like the Shrek movie, but trust me, it gets way different! The 'are we there yet?' thing might seem corny to you, but I still get a kick out of it. Please send a review. I wont add on unless I know that someone's reading it. Check out my other stories. Not all of my stories are humor, but they're good in my eye!


	2. The Slobbery Boot

A/N: This is chapter two of my story. I hope you enjoy it! I would like to say thanks for the reviews. I think that for you couple who criticized my writing it is ok to speak your mind. I also have a couple other stories going on (that I personally like better than this one), so you might want to check them out.

Shrek, Princess Fiona, Donkey and Puss in Boots' Life

Chapter 2

'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet, my dear Shrek?' hummed Donkey to the tune of Oh My Darling.

Puss in Boots was unsuccessfully trying to go to sleep on Princess Fiona's lap.

Shrek grabbed one of Puss in Boots's boots and shoved it into Donkey's mouth. 'Shut it, Donkey!' he exclaimed

'My boot!' shrieked Puss in Boots. He fell backwards and landed on his back, pretending that his life was over.

'Rec! Ht snt e ic!' exclaimed Donkey with the boot still in his mouth.

'Donkey, take the boot out of your mouth and then try to talk,' laughed Princess Fiona.

Donkey spit out the boot. 'Shrek! That wasn't very nice!' he snapped.

Puss in Boots looked at his sopping boot with pure horror. 'You slobbered on my boot, you idiot!'

Shrek laughed.

Fiona giggled.

'At least it's not my bed that's slobbered on, like yours!' snapped Donkey, proud of his comeback.

Puss in Boots gasped. 'That is a condition of mine, and it's none of your beeswax!' he growled.

Shrek, Fiona and Donkey stared at Puss in Boots.

'What?' demanded Puss in Boots. 'Is there something on my whiskers?'

Shrek, Fiona and Donkey burst out laughing.

Puss huddled in one corner to sulk.

After a few minutes of silence, Donkey shouted, 'We're there, we're finally there!'

A/N: To sum this chapter up, I would say: 'Donkey is so annoying that Shrek shoves one of Puss's boots into Donkey's mouth. Puss gets mad that Donkey slobbered on his boot. They all arrive at The Swamp.' I think I need some inspiration, so R&R if you have the time! I'm not really in a mood to write the next chapter.

whitefang's hottie


	3. Rematch!

A/N: Snore! Zzz… I'm so tired right now. This chapter will probably be kind of boring… Forgive me! I'll make it a good chapter if you pay me! $$ Oh well, too bad for me!

Shrek's Life

Chapter Three

'We're there, we're finally there!' cried Donkey as he leapt out of the carriage.

'You live here? Isn't this a swamp?' asked Puss as he looked out the carriage window.

'What do you expect for an ogre?' snorted Donkey as Shrek stepped out of the carriage.

'We're home, my princess,' said Shrek as he helped Fiona out of the carriage.

Fiona laughed. She walked up to the front door.

Shrek and Donkey followed her.

'Hey, wait for me!' cried Puss as he leapt out of the leaving carriage and ran up to Shrek and Princess Fiona.

Shrek smiled and opened the door.

'Yes! I won again!' screamed Gingy the gingerbread man, waving his gameboy in the air as a victory flag.

'Rematch!' screeched one of the three little pigs, gripping his gameboy tightly.

Two other little pigs, the big bad wolf and Pinocchio were watching this gameboy battle with interest.

The house was destroyed.

Pinocchio saw Shrek. 'We didn't make this mess!' he cried. His nose grew a couple inches longer.

'Get out!' roared Shrek.

'Yipes!' shrieked the three little pigs in unison, as they sped out of the house.

'You too!' ordered Donkey.

The big bad wolf and Gingy left.

'It looks nicer outside than it does on the inside!' exclaimed Puss, astounded.

'Oh dear,' sighed Princess Fiona.

A/N: Zzz… (Hic!) No I'm not tired because (hic!) I was up late last night! (Hic!) No I (hic!) wasn't (hic! Hic! Hic!) partying. ## I'm not (hic!) drunk. L.O.L. R&R.

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(Hic!)

I'm kidding.

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(Hic!)


	4. The Beach

A/N: Ok. What am I supposed to say? TT Uh…here's chapter four.

Shrek's Life

Chapter 4

Shrek slammed the door to his house closed and turned to Puss. 'Take Princess Fiona on a trip to the beach and stall for time!' he hissed.

Puss saluted Shrek in reply. 'Will do, meenio!'

Turning to Princess Fiona, Shrek said, 'Puss was wondering if you would take him on a walk down to the beach with him, my dear.'

'Sure!' replied Princess Fiona.

'Let's go,' purred Puss as he led Princess Fiona off through the woods.

'What about me? Can I go to a diner and eat a lot of food?' asked Donkey hopefully.

'No,' replied Shrek glumly.

'Then there's only one thing left to do!' exclaimed Donkey.

'Yes. Clean up the house,' growled Shrek as he opened the door to his house.

Donkey's jaw dropped. 'I was thinking more on the lines of running away to join the circus.'

'You're already a walking stand up comedian, or so you think,' said Shrek. 'Now let's get to work before princess Fiona comes back.'

Shrek and Donkey started to clean.

'Do you think there's any chance of Fiona throwing Puss into the lake to drown?' asked Donkey as the sun began to set.

'No Donkey,' sighed Shrek.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

Shrek opened the door as Donkey scrambled to make the bed.

'Hi!' exclaimed Fiona as Shrek opened the door. 'We had a nice walk!'

'That's good. Come on in,' smiled Shrek as he opened the door all the way.

Fiona and Puss gasped.

A/N: How did I do? Bad? Horrible? Down right crappy? Oh well. I just felt like I was kind of out of character in this chapter, that's all.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: This is one of those times that you have no idea what you're going to put in your chapter. I'll just type what ever comes and edit later!

Shrek's Life

Chapter Five

Fiona and Puss gasped as Shrek pulled open the door to his house.

Shrek turned around to see what Fiona and Puss were staring at. He came face to face with Donkey's butt.

Donkey was bending over, cleaning the floor with his headphones on. He was oblivious to the fact that his butt was right in everyone's face.

Shrek cleared his throat. 'Uh, Donkey?'

Donkey had his music up too loud. Donkey started swinging his butt to the beat.

'Donkey!' exclaimed Shrek.

Donkey started humming to the tune of his music.

'Donkey!' yelled Shrek.

Donkey took off his earphones and said, 'Puss, did you hear something?'

'Yes, meenio,' replied Puss as he plugged his nose. 'Pee-you.'

'Hey, when did you get here?' asked Donkey, twirling around.

After the stink of Donkey's fart blew away and the air was breathable, Shrek said, 'A couple seconds ago, and they still haven't seen the inside of the house yet.'

Donkey grinned and moved out of the way to let Fiona and Puss see the inside of the house.

Fiona and Puss gasped for the second time in a matter of minutes.

A/N: I apologize for my nasty writing in this chapter. I just had a 'spur of the moment' or however it goes. This was kind of a pointless chapter I guess, but what ever.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: This is the second last chapter of Shrek's life! If you like this story, be sure to check out my other stories! I've got 4 other stories on the go, so be sure to check them out!

Shrek's Life

Chapter Six

The inside of Shrek's house was squeaky clean!

The floor was polished.

The walls were white.

There was a tablecloth!

"Oh my goodness," muttered Princess Fiona as she saw the candle in the middle of the table.

There were two seats set up beside the table.

Shrek smiled. "Puss and Donkey are going to go to town to eat and we are going to have a homey candlelight dinner."

"We're what?" demanded Puss.

Donkey gave a forced smile. "We're, uh, going. We're going right now! Bye!"

Shrek lead Princess Fiona to the table and they sat down.

"This is too sweet!" exclaimed Fiona as she looked at the ham and salads.

"No, you're too sweet," grinned Shrek as he leaned over and kissed Fiona.

A/N: If you like this story, be sure to check out my other stories! I've got 4 other stories on the go, so be sure to check them out!


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: This is the last chapter of Shrek's Life. Sorry to those of you who were hoping for more chapters. Check out my Spongebob story if you liked this story. It is titled Spongebob meets Spongesally.

Shrek's Life

Chapter Seven

A couple months later Shrek sat in a hospital waiting room. He was nervously cracking his knuckles.

His mind was racing.

'_I hope Fiona is ok.'_

'_This has got to be hard on her.'_

'_What am I doing out here?'_

'_Shouldn't I be in there with her?'_

'_I wonder…'_

'_I wonder…'_

'_I wonder why I don't just go in there.'_

'_I'm too scared.'_

'_I'm afraid that I will see Fiona in pain.'_

'_Those humans thinking that they can help her.'_

'_I can't believe I brought her here.'_

Puss sat next to Shrek.

'_Why am I here?'_

'_Shrek doesn't look too happy.'_

'_I wonder what he is thinking.'_

'_Is Fiona in pain?'_

Donkey sat next to Puss. An old lady had fallen asleep with her head on Donkey's shoulder. She was drooling.

'_This is gross.'_

'_I feel sorry for me.'_

'_Oh yeah. Fiona too.'_

Gingy sat on Donkey's free shoulder.

'_I have got to go…'_

'_I have got to go...'_

'_I have got to go…'_

'_I have got to go…'_

With a shrill cry Gingy took off towards the bathroom. "I have got to go!'

Shrek, Donkey and Puss glanced at each other.

A couple minutes later Fiona was wheeled out into the waiting room.

Shrek ran over to her. "Well? How are you?"

'Fine," answered Fiona.

"And?" asked Shrek.

"It is a girl!" cried Fiona happily.

Donkey and Puss leapt into the air and cheered.

Shrek leaned over and kissed Fiona on the lips.

"Hey!" shrieked Gingy as he ran out of the bathroom. "Everyone's cheering, so it must be a boy!" Gingy started to cheer, "It's a boy! It's a boy!"

"Gingy, it is a girl," muttered Puss.

"A girl?" cried Gingy. "Now who am I going to teach to fart? Who is going to go play mud-ball with me?"

Donkey grinned. "I love to play mud-ball!"

"I take it back!" announced Gingy. "It's a girl!"

Everyone started to cheer again.

A/N: How was that for a short story? Sad? Good? Horrible? Great? Review me and tell me. Remember to check out my other stories if you liked this story!

Sincerely,

LostxAndxFading


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